we have pet lesbian snakes
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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