would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
