she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
