You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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