He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
