yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
