last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
