shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
