Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
