just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
