grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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