i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
