you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
