New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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