plz talk dirty to me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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