is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
