Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
