I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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