There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love you. Go after that dick
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