Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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