420 ftw
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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