hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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