My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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