i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
