That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
