Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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