there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
