Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
