Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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