so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My pussy is not your playground.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
