i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I deserve this hangover.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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