I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
