1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
