Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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