I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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