I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
