Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
