I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
