you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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