im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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