I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
