and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
