Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
