saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
