On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
