Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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