I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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