their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
