I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
