even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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