is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
