Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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