can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
