I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
