My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
